It's been awhile and I'm sorry I haven't been around. First it was summer vacation and I was enjoying every second with BAM that I could. Then since she started back at school I've really just been in an odd place...not really in the mood to talk to anyone, or write anything. But I miss it. I miss this, whatever this is, it actually makes me feel good, for a minute or two. (Even if no one reads it, to be honest).
Yesterday we had the first substantial amount of snow and BAM woke up so excited and just couldn't wait to get out there. So she bundled up (first time in her new snow pants. and she acted like she won the lottery she's been so desperate to get them on), and away she went. Looking out the window was absolutely precious, there was my girl, and her dog (he's actually my dog but he likes her better than me now I think) rolling in the snow, throwing it around, making snow angels (she had to ring the doorbell to show me that last one). She was just having such a good time and so was I just watching. Before she came into the house and had hot chocolate, ("Mom I can't feel my face I need hot chocolate") and forced me to watch some Barbie Christmas movie, which no matter how many times she's made me watch it (I've lost count. I had to hide it after Christmas last year 'cause I couldn't take it anymore) doesn't make any sense.
Even though I'm going through some pretty crappy stuff right now, days like that just put it all into perspective for me. It's okay to not be okay, and it's okay to pull back a little when you absolutely need to. But there comes a time when the only one who's going to miss out is you, so pull up your socks kid, crank some music (currently for me it's Taylor Swift) and get yourself back in there. Because the best time of year is just getting started and I can't let myself get trapped in my own head and miss it.
I'm not going into detail, but I've been feeling really low. And things in my world are changing, but I've always been a scrappy little, fighter, and I don't intend to quit now. I've never gone down without a fight, so bring it on! I've got people on my team, people in my corner, and although I may not always acknowledge you're there I know you are, (you know who you are too. All of you.). Everyone that's been reaching out I see you, I hear you and I'll get back to you, I promise, but I need to sort my own head out first. Just please know how much I appreciate every single one of you who reaches out when I can't see the forest through the trees.
That's it for me, and this really has no direction, but I wanted to ramble.
Until next time
xoxo
